What if the parts of you that people-please, worry about what could go wrong, or criticize you aren't bad, but are actually trying to protect you from being hurt again?
When I was younger, I went through a painful experience that left me feeling as though parts of who I was were not likeable. For years, I found it difficult to fully be myself around others, except with people I felt fully accepted by.
Through Internal Family Systems therapy, or IFS, I began to understand that I had a protective part that felt pressure to always be likeable.
As a therapist, and through my own experience, I have come to recognize that we may know logically that we are good enough, yet still struggle to truly believe it in our hearts.
I was flipping through a counselling book at the UBC Bookstore when I came across a quote that caught my attention:
“It is a luxury to be understood.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
These words resonated deeply with me. Somehow, simply reading them made me feel seen and understood.
When I look back on my life, some of the moments that stand out most are the ones when I felt truly understood during my darkest times. Equally moving are the moments when someone has felt seen and understood by me, as a friend or counsellor, while experiencing profound pain.
Much of the early days of my grief felt like a blur. What I remember most is that I was simply surviving: wake up, force myself to eat, get through the day, sleep, repeat. Crying became as natural as breathing.
My world halted to a stop, but the world kept spinning.
I remember staring at my favourite bowl of noodles and, for the first time in my life, feeling no appetite for it. Things that once required no effort became hard.
If you are in the thick of it right now, I see you and I feel with you. In this blog, I write about what to expect in the early days and months, and offer some suggestions on how to survive early grief.
When Taylor first walked into the counselling room, she felt a mix of hope, nervousness, and vulnerability.
Will my therapist really be able to understand what I'm going through? Can they help me find a way through this overwhelm?
Perhaps you can relate to Taylor’s mixed emotions when you think of starting therapy. Starting counselling with a new counsellor - whether it’s your first time or you’ve been before - often brings up nervousness, hope, anticipation, or uncertainty. That’s completely normal.
In this blog, I hope to demystify what counselling and grief therapy with me might look like, so you can feel more prepared as you walk into your first session.
As a griever and grief therapist, I resonate with the quote, “I am not here to fix every broken thing. Some things just need a soft place to land” (Anonymous). In grief therapy, I hold space for people to speak about their person and their grief in ways they cannot anywhere else.
Grief is rarely so freely expressed outside of therapy. In everyday life, people often feel the pressure to hold back their grief rather than fully express them as they really are. The truth is, not every moment of sadness needs to be fixed or “cured.” What if we simply witnessed grief? (Bella Grace, Autumn 2025).
When my person first died, it suddenly felt like nothing else mattered. The things that once felt urgent no longer held the same weight.
My whole world stopped, and I just didn’t care about certain things as much as I used to.
If you’ve ever felt like life has no point after losing someone you love, please know you’re not alone. As a grief therapist who have walked alongside many grieving hearts, this is something I hear often.
In this blog, I write about my reflections on grief and meaning and suggest questions to reflect on as you process your grief.
Have you ever caught yourself laughing, smiling, or having a good day after loss—only to feel a wave of guilt wash over you?
Maybe you noticed you weren’t spending every moment thinking about your person, or you sought out distractions from the heaviness of grief.
In my own grief journey, moments of lightness sometimes felt like a betrayal. How could I allow myself to feel joy when my person’s life was cut short?
It is important to know that it is a common experience in grief to feel guilty for not being immersed in sadness all the time.
“When are you going to get over it?” That was the question someone asked me—just two weeks after a significant and traumatic loss. I was too stunned to answer. I don’t remember how I responded, but I’ll never forget how wrong that question felt.
This moment reflects a common misunderstanding about grief: that there’s a set timeline for “moving on.” That eventually, we should reach acceptance and stop expressing pain or sadness.
The five stages were originally intended to describe the emotional experience of people facing their own death. Over time, the model became widely applied to people grieving the loss of others. But it was never meant to be a universal roadmap for grief.
The last time I checked, the Asian Parent Stories subreddit had over 118,000 members - this speaks volumes about the need for safe spaces—places where people can share their stories and feel understood.
It doesn’t take long scrolling through the posts to notice stories of frustration, hurt, sadness, anger, pain, and longing. As an Asian therapist, I often hear similar themes echoed in the therapy room. And beneath all of it—a deep desire to feel seen and valued.
If you grew up in a traditional Asian Family and/or an Asian family with complex dynamics, some of what I share here might resonate.
Since I was a child, I have asked questions about death. I’ve always been a deep thinker — some might say an old soul. I’ve never known a time when I wasn’t aware that death could come at any moment.
Maybe you’ve felt something similar — that quiet, uneasy knowing in your daily life, alongside the love you carry for those around you. Or maybe you’re carrying grief as you care for a significant person in your life, in their final days. This experience of grieving before a death occurs can feel confusing and complex — it is called anticipatory grief.
I’ve sat with many who carry the quiet weight of ‘what ifs’ - these lingering thoughts haunt the heart after loss.” Maybe you're carrying some of these too.
Though guilt and regret often come together, they’re not the same. In this blog post, we share about the difference between guilt and regret, and tips on coping with guilt and regret.
It is inevitable that others will disappoint you from time to time. This is bound to happen because no one and no relationship is perfect. However, knowing this does not take away the sting of disappointment when it happens. What you do to respond to disappointment when it comes your way impacts the health of your relationship to yourself and others.
In this blog, we share about 8 tips on coping with disappointment when people let you down.
For people who are grieving, the holiday season can be the most dreaded time of the year. If you are grieving a loss – whether it be a death of your person and/or pet, a non-death/living loss such as a an estranged relationship, a breakup, a divorce or fertility challenges, you might find yourself wishing that you can skip the holiday season and New Year celebrations. In this blog, we share about 7 ways to get through difficult moments during the holiday season.