Demystifying Therapy: What to Expect in Your First Counselling Session

When Taylor first walked into the counselling room, she felt a mix of hope, nervousness, and vulnerability. The thought of opening up to someone new felt daunting.

Will my therapist really be able to understand what I'm going through? Can they help me find a way through this overwhelm?

Her heart raced as she sat on the couch, and yet she held onto a small spark of hope. She had been feeling alone in her pain and grief. Maybe this could be a place where she could find some relief and begin to make sense of it all.

Perhaps you can relate to Taylor’s mixed emotions when you think of starting therapy. Starting counselling with a new counsellor - whether it’s your first time or you’ve been before - often brings up nervousness, hope, anticipation, or uncertainty. That’s completely normal. Knowing what to expect can help you feel more informed and at ease.

In this blog, I hope to demystify what counselling and grief therapy with me might look like, so you can feel more prepared as you walk into your first session.

What Will the First Minutes in Therapy Look Like?

Taylor didn't know what to expect coming into her first session. But as her therapist began speaking, something about her warmth and presence helped her body begin to relax.

It's okay to feel unsure at the start. Like Taylor, you might notice that once we begin, some of that initial tension begins to ease. When you arrive for your session, I would invite you to get comfortable before we get into anything. If you are meeting me virtually, I would ask if you have everything you need, such as something to drink.

As a trauma-informed therapist, part of creating safety is being transparent about what to expect. I would share about confidentiality, the limits of confidentiality, cancellation policies, and answer any questions you may have. Then I would share a bit about how our first session could look like and my approach to therapy.

What Do We Talk About in the First Therapy Session?

Taylor came in knowing she hadn't been feeling like herself for a while, but she wasn't quite sure where to begin.

Some people have a clear sense of what they would like to share, some prefer that their therapist guide the conversation, and some fall somewhere in between.

If you’re comfortable with taking the lead, I’ll follow along and ask questions along our conversation to get to know you and your life’s journey better.

If you are unsure of where to begin, I would be glad to guide with questions, while checking in along the way to see if you’re comfortable with the direction that we are going.

Most importantly, you can share however much feels right for you. I hope to meet you where you are at, engage with curiosity and come alongside you as another human being.

Safety and Pace in Therapy

In her first session, Taylor worried she needed to tell her therapist everything all at once. But as the session went on, she felt less of the need to rush, realizing that therapy is a marathon, not a sprint.

I share with my clients that slow is fast: it takes time to build trust. Taking our time allows us to build a strong rapport to do deeper processing together.

My approach to therapy is warm, relational, and empathic - the safe and secure connection in a therapeutic relationship is what makes therapy transformational. It’s my hope that the relationship we build lessens any sense of aloneness you feel and that you experience our time together as a non-judgmental space where you can eventually openly share what’s on your heart and mind.

Each individual I support is unique in terms of identity, the context they come from, cultural background, personality, and ways of relating. As I meet with you, I want to understand how these factors shape who you are and your experience in this world.

While I have questions in mind to get to know you and your story, my priority is creating a sense of safety and nurturing the connection between us from the very start. This means that you feeling cared for, understood and truly felt is more important than just getting through a set of questions. There is no pressure to share everything at once.

Think of our first session as a 'big picture' session, a chance for me to get a snapshot of your life and what has brought you here. Although we might not unpack all the details right away, my hope is that by the end of the session, you leave with some clarity of possible paths forward.

Goals in Therapy

When Taylor thought about her goals going into therapy, she didn’t quite have the words for them yet. She just knew she wanted to feel different - lighter and less overwhelmed - but what that actually looked like was still unclear. Like Taylor, you might not have a clear idea of your goals, and that’s okay. Therapy is a collaborative process, and part of the process can be discovering what you need along the way.

In the first session, we would have a conversation about goals you mentioned in our consultation call and your intake form. Examples of goals could include processing guilt and regret in grief, healing from relational trauma, and finding ways to cope with depression and anxiety. For some, it may also be about exploring a general sense that something feels "off," even though they are not quite sure what is contributing to it.

Therapy is a dynamic process that is shaped by your lived realities. This means that if new stressors or life events arise, we can bring them into the space and process them together. Your goals may shift as we work together, and that is totally alright. What matters most in therapy is that our sessions are flexible and align with your needs and readiness.

What does Grief Therapy Look Like?

If grief and loss is what is bringing you into therapy, I may ask what is weighing on you most in your grieving process - for example, people often struggle with feelings of guilt, regret, anger and anxiety.

We’ll also make space for you to share your story about your person, including what you miss most and what your relationship was like. For Taylor, this meant talking about the everyday moments she cherished with her person, and the ways their absence felt heavy in her daily life. Even sharing a few memories helped her feel seen and understood, and reminded her that her grief was valid.

As I work from a trauma-informed approach, we’ll go at your pace. If it feels important to talk about the event surrounding the death, I can get a broad sense, and we can continue processing difficult memories about the event through trauma-based approaches in future sessions, when you feel ready to do so.

My Approach to Therapy

One of the things Taylor wondered before her first session was how therapy would actually work. Like Taylor, you might be asking yourself the same question - how do I heal from childhood trauma or shift the patterns that are affecting my relationships? In the first session, I may share reflections on how I typically work with the concerns you’ve brought in and possible directions therapy could take.

My hope is that therapy goes beyond insight into lasting change. We can talk about the how, but true healing happens when you actually experience the how.

Therapy with me is experiential. This means we don’t just talk about your feelings - we slow down and make space to feel them in your body in ways that feel gradual and tolerable. For Taylor, this looked like noticing the tension in her chest or the heaviness in her shoulders and allowing herself to stay with those sensations. We may also go inward to get to know the different parts of you, such as the inner critic part and the younger parts holding pain.

What Happens at the End of the Session?

As Taylor's first session came to a close, her therapist guided her through a brief grounding exercise before she headed back out into the world. She took a moment to breathe, to feel her feet on the ground, before she left.

I would spend a bit of time at the end of each session to check in about how it felt for you to meet. I may close with a grounding exercise to help you feel more centred as you ease back into your day. I may also provide ideas or suggestions of things to try between sessions, and share resources you can engage with in between our time together - because what happens between sessions matters just as much as what happens in therapy.

Like Taylor, you may find it helpful to take a few moments afterward to ease back into your day - this could look like going for a brief walk, drinking a cup of tea or taking a moment to close your eyes, breathing in deeply and letting out a long exhale.

After the First Session

By the end of her first session, Taylor felt lighter than when she walked in. She felt seen, heard, and understood, and for the first time in a long while, she felt a sense of relief from some of the weight she had been carrying. That small spark of hope she held onto had grown a little brighter. She walked out thinking - maybe this is the beginning of something.

Hope can feel like a breath of fresh air. That's often what the first session is about: creating safety and connection, and beginning to feel that integrating grief into your story and healing from past wounds are possibilities.

At the end of our first session, my hope is that you leave with a clearer sense of whether it feels like a fit for us to continue this journey together. Clients often come back feeling more at ease at the second session.

Taking the first step to reach out for therapy takes courage. If you're considering starting counselling, I would be glad to connect with you for a consultation to see if we feel like a good fit. You don’t have to navigate this alone.